The Best Little Whorehouse in Bonita

There are some stories that are just never going to make it on to CNN.

This from the front page of this morning's Naples Daily News (All the news fit for LARGE Print)

The Sheriff of Lee County busted a brothel the other day in the neighboring town of Bonita Springs. Here in the land of in-depth reporting, the story contained a bounty of details regarding the operation of this enterprise which operated out of a single- family house at 26659 Stardust Drive. For example, to minimize the handling of cash by the working gals, an operator called El Flaco would sell clear marbles to the customers at $25 per. The marble would entitle the bearer to the favors of a one of the female associates. At the end of the shift, the associate would sell the marble back to El Flaco for $13 each. These prices give a rare insight into the gross profits of the operation.

One of the working girls told deputies that she made about $2,500 a month. The house operates from 11:00 am to 7:30 pm. It was not mentioned whether it is open for business on week ends and holidays. The girl also mentioned that she doesn't work every day! At $13 dollars per "service" this is one busy Chiquita. It should be kept in mind, however, that there apparently was a significant language problem experienced in collecting this information, so the published report might have missed a detail or two.

But then comes the weird part. Deputies found three gopher tortoises in a bathtub full of dirty water. This threatened species is protected by state and federal law and one of the perps, perhaps it was El Flaco himself, was charged with an additional felony count regarding the turtles. The Sheriff's office was at a loss as to what the turtles might have been used for but there was some suggestion that the turtles can provide aphrodisiac effects according to the folklore of some cultures. No one seemed to know just how those effects are accessed from the turtles. As my old friend Gary is fond of saying, "you know, there are slices of life out there that we just don't know about." After re-reading the article a few times, it became clear that it was the alleged mistreatment of the turtles that apparently put this story on page one. Disbelievers are encouraged to read the original article HERE.

As a final note, while the turtle were "unresponsive and cold" when rescued from the bathtub, quick action by deputies put them in a heated squad car and brought them around. All three were later released by wildlife officials. A happy ending for the turtles. The working girls, however, are presumably still collecting marbles at a yet undisclosed location.