The Best Little Whorehouse in Bonita

There are some stories that are just never going to make it on to CNN.

This from the front page of this morning's Naples Daily News (All the news fit for LARGE Print)

The Sheriff of Lee County busted a brothel the other day in the neighboring town of Bonita Springs. Here in the land of in-depth reporting, the story contained a bounty of details regarding the operation of this enterprise which operated out of a single- family house at 26659 Stardust Drive. For example, to minimize the handling of cash by the working gals, an operator called El Flaco would sell clear marbles to the customers at $25 per. The marble would entitle the bearer to the favors of a one of the female associates. At the end of the shift, the associate would sell the marble back to El Flaco for $13 each. These prices give a rare insight into the gross profits of the operation.

One of the working girls told deputies that she made about $2,500 a month. The house operates from 11:00 am to 7:30 pm. It was not mentioned whether it is open for business on week ends and holidays. The girl also mentioned that she doesn't work every day! At $13 dollars per "service" this is one busy Chiquita. It should be kept in mind, however, that there apparently was a significant language problem experienced in collecting this information, so the published report might have missed a detail or two.

But then comes the weird part. Deputies found three gopher tortoises in a bathtub full of dirty water. This threatened species is protected by state and federal law and one of the perps, perhaps it was El Flaco himself, was charged with an additional felony count regarding the turtles. The Sheriff's office was at a loss as to what the turtles might have been used for but there was some suggestion that the turtles can provide aphrodisiac effects according to the folklore of some cultures. No one seemed to know just how those effects are accessed from the turtles. As my old friend Gary is fond of saying, "you know, there are slices of life out there that we just don't know about." After re-reading the article a few times, it became clear that it was the alleged mistreatment of the turtles that apparently put this story on page one. Disbelievers are encouraged to read the original article HERE.

As a final note, while the turtle were "unresponsive and cold" when rescued from the bathtub, quick action by deputies put them in a heated squad car and brought them around. All three were later released by wildlife officials. A happy ending for the turtles. The working girls, however, are presumably still collecting marbles at a yet undisclosed location.

Bullets Over State Street

This just in from a loyal reader who works as an Ad Exec in downtown Boston. The report describes a hair-raising episode that, on the examination of further evidence, turned out to be slightly less traumatic than originally thought.

Dear View from the[Plymouth] Rock Guy,

What a morning. I arrived at work under ENEMY FIRE. We had to duck our heads and run to our desks. It was really dangerous. Oh wait. The security camera footage is now showing that I rolled in five minutes late, got coffee and stood at my friend Larry’s cube talking about golf for 17 minutes, before strolling to my desk. Guess I misspoke. Whatever. I talk a lot.

The Clinton lies are falling like snowflakes during Christmas in Cambodia. How many bald-faced whoppers must this shrew be caught in before even the MSM abandons her?

Signed,
Confused in Boston

Dear Confused,

We feel your pain. But as Marshall McLuhan, or some other famous guy, once said, Insistent heart-felt perception has the potential for becoming the bed rock of manufactured reality. Or, put another way: Who you gonna believe, me or you own senses?

Yes, those rascals, the Clintons, do have a way of twisting the truth. At the same time, however, they have also invented a convenient third alternative between the staid old absolutes of lies and truth that converts falsehoods into truths through aggressive repetition. While the naysayers say nay, I say, stick to your guns. Be proud of your poise under fire, even if it was hallucinatory. As that old sage, Al Sharpton once said, "It could have happened that way."

Take a (Social Security) Number

No matter which of the candidates eventually claws his or her way to the Democratic nomination, illegal immigration is sure to be one of the issues that plays a prominent role in the November election. This issue was addressed a few months ago by The View HERE

At that time, we emphasized the importance of providing employers with tools to help them avoid hiring illegals. In this regard, the Department of Homeland Security, in conjunction with the Social Security Administration, developed a plan that would do just that. The basic idea was to have the Social Security Administration notify employers if they had employees whose Social Security Numbers did not match their names as shown on the Agency's records. Once this "No-Match" letter was received, the employer would have ninety days to resolve the issue before it faced penalties for hiring illegals. This is one of the most important checkpoints in the effort to stem the tide of illegal aliens because jobs are the primary attraction to illegals.

Almost immediately, A lawsuit was filed by the AFL-CIO, ACLU, and several labor groups seeking to stop the application of the No-Match rule, arguing that it would unfairly impact workers subject to the vagaries of government bureaucracies. Their concerns are contained in a posting on an ACLU Web Site, which says, in part:

Currently, employers who receive "no-match" letters stating that their employees' identification documents don't match SSA records are not required to take any action. The new DHS rule would impose liability on employers based on failure to respond to an SSA "no-match" letter, even though SSA errors are caused by many innocent factors such as typographical errors and name changes due to marriage or divorce, and the use of multiple surnames, which is common in many parts of the world. According to the Office of the Inspector General in SSA, 12.7 million of the 17.8 million discrepancies in SSA's database - more than 70% - belong to native-born U.S. citizens. Under the DHS rule, employers might be required to fire employees whose erroneous SSA records are not fixed within 90 days after the "no-match" letter is sent. The DHS rule would threaten jobs of U.S. citizens and other legally authorized workers simply because of errors in the government's inaccurate social security earnings database.

It was not by accident that the lawsuit was filed in the notoriously liberal US District Court of the Northern District of California, located, appropriately so, in San Francisco. Since the appeal of the Judge's ruling goes to the flaky Ninth Circuit, there seems to be a good chance that this question will eventually go to the Supremes. As an aside, with the courts playing a role in developing strategies to confront the tide of illegal immigration, then voters had best think again about the number of possible court appointees that will fall into the purview of the next President.

While creative proposals for tightening border security abound, many critics point out that at the very least, existing immigration laws should be aggressively enforced. Using readily available Social Security data as a tool against illegal immigration, seems like an easy first step in beefing up enforcement efforts. Reading the opponents concerns leaves one wondering if there aren't ways to deal with these potential problems while still implementing the program. Rejecting the whole No-match program is clearly overkill and negates the government's effort to stem the tide of illegal aliens. Moreover, the downside seems minimal as it is hard to believe that inadvertent clerical mistakes can't be resolved in ninety days through existing remedies. One would also think that all employees would demand that their Social Security contributions be properly credited so as to ensure eventual eligibility for benefits.

On Friday, The Department of Homeland Security issued a statement in support of its appeal of the Judge's ruling, saying, in part:

"We are serious about immigration enforcement. The No-Match Rule is an important tool for cracking down on illegal hiring practices while providing honest employers with the guidance they need," said Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff.

For those of us concerned about the burden of large numbers of illegal immigrants, these efforts by the Department of Homeland Security are reassuring that the government is taking positive action. At the same time, opponents of the "No-Match rule" seem to be using fantasized tales of employee discrimination to block a crucial law enforcement effort. This issue begs to be put to the presidential candidates to see how committed they are to strengthening America's homeland security.

No re-vote for Florida Democrats

The Florida Democratic Party has announced that it will not hold a re-vote,by mail or otherwise, even if the costs are covered by private funds. Instead, the party will push the DNC to seat the Florida delegates on the basis of the January primary election. Many feel that this ensures a battle that may well end up on the convention floor in August. While the arguments on both sides of this issue abound, any resolution is sure to leave one side or the other in a major snit. Moreover, it might be the source of additional fuel to be added to the fire that Will result should the convention arrive without a selected candidate, a condition which is looking more and more likely as the remaining primaries are not expected to provide either of the leading candidates with enough committed delegates to clinch the nomination.

Obama is leading in the delegate count and if this continues it will be interesting to watch Clinton supporters argue that he should be denied the nomination in favor of herself. Hillary is not likely to go quietly into the good night.

Stay Tuned

The March of Ides

The Soothsayer who was ignored by Julius Caesar on his way to the forum on that long ago March 15th may have been on to something more vast than a few guys with shivs under their togas. Here in Naples, FLA, a.k.a. Paradise (at least until the swarm of the love bugs arrives in a few months) this is the day of the annual St. Patrick’s day parade. And for those concerned that this tiny southern outpost might not be able to produce a parade comparable to that of Boston or New York, not to worry. Naples has it all, only, blessedly, less. The Boston Cops and Firemen were represented, by straggly groups of paunchy retirees. Ditto for the Big Apple contingents. Looking especially spiffy, however, resplendent in matching blue/grey golf shirts with embroidered breast patches were the retirees of the Massachusetts State Police, following along behind a 1961 vintage patrol car. Considering the number of tickets these guys had probably written during their careers, they got a warm reception.

A number of Massachusetts college alumni groups were represented including: Stonehill, Providence College, Merrimack, and a particularly large group from Salem State College. Also marching were the Notre Dame and Purdue alumni groups. The parade is reputed to include a large Boston College contingent, but once again this year, we left before it arrived at our vantage point.

Several southwestern-Florida based pipe bands marched as did a number of Irish step dancers, some step dancing along the line of march and some jigging atop a float. Tres authentic. Irish contingents representing Rhode Island, Michigan and Toledo, Ohio, of all places, marched in what appeared to be a formation planned around an open keg earlier in the day. And finally, keeping with the spiritual theme of the day, not one, not two, but three St. Patricks were spotted. For those keeping score, only one green-haired Elvis was counted.

Being a big political year, a number of local candidates were seen and the Collier County Republican Club was well-represented. The Democrats either didn’t show or they were back with the BC contingent.

The most striking (or should I say surreal) presence of the day was Phyllis Schafly riding by in a red convertible looking sort of like Pat Nixon as homecoming queen. When Barry Goldwater said famously that “extremism in the pursuit of liberty is not a vice,” He might have had Phyllis in mind. Turns out she was in town to deliver her annual address to the local chapter of the Eagle Forum, which she founded in the 70’s. Among the ideas she put forth yesterday was a call for the U.S. to withdraw from the U.N. and split from the W.T.O. lest some foreigner starts dictating to the good old U.S. of A. She is also is seeking a stake through the heart for the DREAM Act. In case you are wondering, she is also on guard in case the feminist resurrect the Equal Rights Bill.

Over all, not a bad parade, but Southie it wasn’t

Contemplation on a Chad, II

According to this morning's Naples Daily News (All the news fit to Large Print )Florida election officals are not particularly enthusiastic about a re-vote in the Florida presidential primary, especially if it held by mail. Lee County Election Supervisor, Sharon Harrington, sees a mail-in election as being "costly, complicated and against state law." She also has major misgivings for maintaining the integrity of the election. Florida has never run a state-wide election solely by mail and does not have the procedures in place to do so.

When the legislature proposed,last year, that the election be moved from its traditional date of the second Tuesday in March, which would have seen Florida voting today, btw, it did so in the form of an Omnibus election bill that included a requirement for a paper trail to back up certain voting machines. This provision, apparently, was what made the Democrats agree to the bill in spite of warnings from the DNC. So now, the 185 Florida delegates are in limbo while the Democratic Party tries to solve what is increasingly becoming a no-win situation. To read more of Harrington's concerns, click HERE

Contemplation on a Chad

We’ve now been here in The Sunshine State for over a week and have yet to spot any chads, hanging or otherwise. We are, however, in the midst of yet another presidential election flap that could whisk us all back to a reprise of the 2000 election fiasco.

In May, 2007, when the Florida state legislature scheduled its 2008 presidential primary election, a lot of folks thought it a good idea that Florida be first, among big states, to hold its primary. With a large diverse population that some feel is a microcosm of the US, it seemed natural that this election would focus national attention on the state.

Enter the DNC. Concerned about a leapfrogging phenomenon as states jostled for position, the committee decreed that it would punish states holding primaries prior to Super Tuesday by refusing to seat that state’s delegates at the national convention.

Perhaps thinking that a leading candidate would have emerged long before the convention, Florida went ahead and held its election on January 29th. Florida is a closed primary state that limits primary voting to registered party members. It should also be noted that while the state legislature is dominated by Republicans, the decision to go forward with the January date was reportedly reached on a bi-partisan basis. And although the candidates generally respected the DNC’s wishes and refrained from campaigning in Florida, a record 1.7 million Democrats went to the polls giving Clinton 50% of the votes and Obama 33%.

Now, with Clinton and Obama running neck and neck, accounting for every delegate is vital. And since it seems highly unlikely that either candidate can clinch the nomination via the remaining state primaries, the status of the Florida delegates has emerged as crucial.

The DNC, as fronted by Vermont Governor, Howard Dean, a.k.a. Mr. Congeniality, is sticking to its position with anal intensity and demanding that Florida hold a new election. Bear in mind, however, that after July 1st, the convention’s credentialing authority shifts to the Rules Committee and ultimately goes to the convention floor. So the decision to seat the Florida delegates on the basis of the January primary results isn’t a dead issue by a long shot.

The idea for a re-vote is not being well-received by Floridians. A major concern is the cost. A full-blown election is estimated to cost as much as $25 million. State officials say that having the state pay for this is a non-starter. Governor Charlie Crist is calling on the DNC to respect the effort of the 1.7 million voters who went to the polls in January and seat the Florida delegates. So, both sides, hardened by a righteousness of a well-reasoned position seem to be settling into a stalemate.

The one glimmer of hope is a proposal for a mail-in re-vote that seems to be gaining some support here in Florida. The cost, estimated at $5 million, would be substantially less than a regular election. But even this amount is unsettling to some. Speaker of the Florida House, Marco Rubio, was quoted in the Tampa Times on Saturday:

"The last thing our already overburdened supervisors of elections need is to be forced to administer another election, even if Democrats pay for it," he said. "No state resources nor a single taxpayer penny should be spent on resolving an intraparty fight."

And while the DNC is not prepared to pay for re-vote, there are suggestions that the state party, or the candidate’s campaigns or perhaps private contributions might be used to defray the cost. While these all sound reasonable, each is fraught with complications and none is jumping out as the magic bullet. In the meantime, pundits are busy trying to figure out which candidate is helped, or hurt by the possible outcomes as both campaigns try for a reasonable-sounding position. Also to be considered is the reactions of the various constituencies some of which are likely to be unhappy no matter how the issue is settled. One thing is for certain, the longer this issue goes unresolved, the more likely it is that the question will end up on the convention floor, where, it also seems more and more likely, the selection of the candidate will be made. The seating of the Florida delegation will have gone from being a minor non-issue to one of the elements of a perfect storm of dissention.

Dream Team or Nightmare Duo

While I recently wrote longingly about the prospect of the two remaining Democratic candidates wailing on each other right up through the Denver convention, there has been some recent, albeit minimal, speculation about an alternative resolution to the Democratic ticket. While not widely subscribed to, the idea of a dream ticket including both Hillary and Barry, has been proffered as a neat alternative to a long, drawn-out fight to the death, which, in all likelihood, would only benefit John McCain and the Republicans. As unlikely as this combination might be, it would, presumably, allow the Dems to heal and unite behind the ticket long before the November election. All that stands between that and the present state of affairs is the answer to one simple question: Who will be on top? Of the ticket that is.

While I am as about as clairvoyant as a blind cat in a dark broom closet, I can’t see this ticket ever seeing the light of day unless Herself is in first place while Barack flies second seat. I could list all the reasons why I think this is so, and maybe, for fun, we might, at some point, think the opposite arrangement through. But for now, let’s just run with the assumption that Hillary would be the presidential candidate teamed up with Obama for the veep slot.

Given his relatively young age, Obama would have to buy in to the rationalization that serving four, or possibly eight years as Hillary’s no. 2 would leave him as a more experienced candidate in his own right. In order for the Clinton’s to pull this off, they would have to promise Obama a portfolio of highly-visible responsibilities, which they could easily do. Is Obama gullible enough to believe such drivel? Is anyone? And at the very least, he ought to touch base with Al Gore before accepting any such deal. However, never say never. Presumably, after serving such a sentence, I mean term, he would be ready to perform on day one and answer the phone whenever it rang and whoever was calling. Now let’s return to planet Earth and see how things might really play out.

If no dream team compromise is struck, the decision on a Democratic candidate goes to the convention in August since, according to current tallies, neither candidate can clinch enough delegates in the remaining primaries to ice the nomination. There is also a wild card in terms of counting Florida and Michigan delegates, but the resolution of those votes, while possibly tinder for an explosive mini-plot, still won’t change much before the convention. If, once the convention starts, the Super delegates roll over and Hillary prevails, Obama can simply go back to the Senate for a little more seasoning. In the meantime, if Hillary loses the general election, Obama gets a big “I told you so” And Hillary? Well, we all know how the Democrats deal with their losers.

In the event that candidate Hillary wins in November, we get to see just what kind of an administration she can run. That in itself should be high drama, especially with Bubba lurking around with nothing to do. Even if she’s a screaming success and wins a second term, she still has to get out in 2016. Unless Chelsea has by then emerged as a successor, we might be finally rid of the Clintons, even if it leaves the country in collective mental exhaustion. Obama would still be young enough to run again for the presidency.

So, will Barry accept the no. 2 position? He would be making an enormous personal sacrifice, the principal beneficiaries of which would be the Democratic Party and the Clintons. There just doesn’t seem to be a lot of upside in this for him. Let’s hope that he sees things our way. We don’t want to be robbed of the high drama of a Democratic convention that will actually have to choose a candidate, right there on live TV in front of God and everyone. It could be a mini-series. “There will be Blood” might be an apt sub-title

Morning in Naples

The harsh glare of daylight came early this morning, along with the stark realization that Herself has risen, once again from the crypt. The consensus now seems to be that the duel of the Dems will go down to the wire at the convention and this may not be all bad for those of us on the Right side. While the Dems beat each other up over the next five months over who is best qualified to answer the phone at 3:00 am, the GOP can focus on closing ranks behind candidate John McCain, who, btw, is the correct answer to the 3:00 am phone call question, unless of course, the subject of the call is a Bimbo eruption, in which case, Hillary clearly wins the booby prize.

John McCain has now emerged as the Republican candidate and it is interesting to note that he has done so against a field of highly-qualified candidates. Moreover, the process was generally absent of the vitriol and nasty attacks that have characterized the campaigns on the other side of the aisle. And stay tuned for more of the same as the Clintons unleash the big guns against Obama. I hope, for his sake, that he has someone tasting his food. As has been mentioned here in the past, John McCain is not only the most qualified candidate, but also has the ability to actually get things done while still carrying the flag for the Republican way. We believe that as the fall approaches, he will iron out those concerns expressed by some regarding his conservative bona fides.

There are over eight months to go until November. Sit back, relax and enjoy the ride.

Do you walk to school or carry your lunch?

March in Naples is, to coin a phrase, a no-brainer. The weather, the landscaping, the condos, its heaven on earth, at least according to the real estate agents, who are as thick as flies on dog effluence. The only remaining choice was how to get there. Fly or Drive, that is, or was, the question. After extensive research, the answer was clear, it all depends. We finally came down on the side of avoiding those crowded airports and nerve-wrecking flights and decided to drive to Florida. Never mind that those nasty old airlines can usually get you there in half a day.

I-95 is a long snake of a highway that starts somewhere up in Maine and winds its way all the way down to the tip of Florida. But rather than Conrad’s river that leads into the heart of darkness, I-95 eventually, after slogging through a roster of tired northeastern cities, provides an avenue of escape from the cold dreary days of winter, also known as the heart of coldness.

With this in mind, we hit the road on Saturday, February 23, leaving Plymouth Behind after a final farewell breakfast at Fat Mike’s, thereby taking on a little cholesterol for the road. We were supposed to leave on Friday, but Mother Nature came through for us with a serious snow storm. We drove through the storm’s remains all the way down to White Plains where we met son, Matt, for lunch at the Cheesecake Factory. More health food. We the crossed the mighty Hudson via the Tappan Zee bridge and spent the night in scenic Rockland County. We did take in a flick in New City. We gave “Vantage Point” two thumbs down. This was another case of a movie with a great cast and a non-existent plot. Go figure.

Starting out the next morning, we crossed into New Jersey on I-287 and followed it down to I-78 to head west towards Pennsylvania. Yeah, I know, we were by-passing good old I-95 until we got beyond Washington DC. Somewhere out near Harrisburg, I-78 merged with I-81 and headed south. I checked to see if Three Mile Island was still aglow, but as we crossed the Susquehanna, we were distracted by strange natural phenomena. The sun came out for the first time since January and we didn’t recognize it at first.

I-81 was a good highway with light traffic and we soon passed through Maryland, West Virginia and cruised by Winchester Virginia, where we hung a right and headed over to Fredericksburg, VA, between Washington and Richmond, and were re-united with good old I-95. The scenic western loop probably added 90 miles to the trip, but it eliminated all the heavy traffic down through the Jersey Turnpike and on to the DC Beltway. Our verdict was that it was well worth it.

The next morning we circumnavigated Richmond and on pushed on to Florence South Carolina. Florence, as you probably know, was last-year’s runner up for Double-wide capital of the U.S. We did, however, have a nice dinner at a sort-of Italian restaurant. Tearing ourselves away from the flesh pots of Florence, we pushed off for Florida the next morning.

Before we passed into the Sunshine State, however, we had to cruise past the exits for Hilton Head, Charleston and Savannah. All the good places were crammed into this one stretch of highway, where the almost forgotten art of the billboard is thriving. But we could sense Florida’s proximity and pushed on to Jacksonville where we were met with a couple of hours of end-of-the-world thunderstorms. Good thing Mary was driving as I was busy ducking from the lightning bolts.

After spending the night in Melbourne, we continued on to Boynton Beach where we visited with our friends Lenny and Charlotte. Lenny, as expected , pulled out all the stops. We had ribs at his latest restaurant find, a brunch at their club and sampled some authentic Florida Chinese food. The tires on the Benz were under pressure as we waved good bye.

Our next and final stop was Pompano Beach where we over-nighted with Mary’s cousin, Paula and her husband Jack. Pompano is a neat little town, sort of baja Palm Beach. Jack toured us all the way down into Ft. Lauderdale via the Inter-coastal in his trusty yacht. After he pointed out one particular marina where admittance was limited to those whose boat length is at least 100 feet, I knew we weren’t in Kansas anymore. I think we passed boats with a combined value that would probably exceed the GDP of most small countries.

Saturday morning, we were off across the Everglades, 100 miles to Naples, aka Valhalla. We arrived around 1:00 pm and after stocking up on Cheerios, moved into our home for the month of March.

As to the great, “fly-or-drive” question, we decided that the drive had been quite pleasant and it was good to have our car especially as it was filled with a lot of items we would not have been able to take on a plane trip. Hand-weights, for example. Our sense is that if you have the time, driving might just be the way to go.

William F. Buckley, Jr., R.I.P.

William F. Buckley, Jr. 1925 - 2008